Letters from The Beast

Dear G,  I wake up with a smile on my face and love in my heart. I want to thank you for the strength you have helped me gain. The strength not to fear, the strength to smile while the Grinch steals my tree, my gifts and my food. I know my real gift is my love. The gift you have given me in the past two years is the belief that I will survive. I can go through the worst of the worst and I will survive.  Its more about pure survival that has truly taught me how strong I am. When you survive your worst nightmare you know joy, you know happiness in the heart, you know appreciation for life. I now know that I can be stripped of everything but I can never be stripped of me. I will always have me and I will always have more to give.  I don't know why no one wanted to hear me in 2015 or why she contacted me again in 2017. I don't know why the lawyer believes me now that he is a rapist of more than one and didn't believe me then. I don't know why she choose

Dear Beast, Justice isn't always served, well not in the way we can see.   I did everything I could to get my kids away from a rapist. Every single piece of information I was given I shared, I posted, I published in a book.     I took ownership a long time ago for marrying a rapist but I am not going to continue to pay for that mistake. I was shallow and blind and prayed off my weakness. He kept me locked in my own hell and tortured woman around me.     I will not take the blame for his actions against women. I did not rape you. Little girl lost, he did. I did not invite you into my home, you begged for me to bring you peace. I did not even choose this fight, you came to me again two years later and asked me to do it for you.     If you want to back out that is okay also. I will also have to back out. I will continue to pray that you find peace. I know you say you are happy and god knows I hope that is true but why seek me out again if you are?     I

Dear Now, I am beautiful   I am strong I am surrounded by love and family   I have amazing friends and a community full of positive vibes.   My kids are happy. My abundance is ever increasing. I travel sharing and collecting stories from the dinner tables around the world.   I have a life with purpose. A life that teaches the masses. Yet I live fluid among them. The poor the hungry the hurt come for love and I willingly fill them up without ever depleting my own well.     Travel with community and experience. Living in joy spreading that joy. I want to workout at every box or OTF any place community is being built and stories are being shared. I want to eat the best food our planet has to offer and I want to share these experiences and connections through story writing and photography. What I was always meant to do.     I want to raise the most successful young woman and man there can be. I want them to grow up happy and free. I want us all

"Energy flows where thought goes" "Playing pretend gives it energy" "Fake it till you make it" and my favorite "Act as if..." My belief of me needs to override your belief of me, or my perceived belief you have of me. When I look into the mirror neurons around me I will see who I now know I am. My truth is becoming embedded into the skin I wear. Did I tell you the story about that one time in community college when the psychology professor was going around the room asking each student "what makes you happy?" I sat in the back of the room, I mean all the way in the back farthest corner I could find, with black and pink hair and all black clothes (it was 1992) I was in my goth stage. He went around the room and had every single student in there answer. It was community college so that was at the most 40 people but more like 28 or so. Each one had answer some form of money, cars, family, ect... When he got to me I had a

Look for the miracles. Hope for the best. But when you can't change what your going through, let the simple, quiet, daily miracle of acceptance find you. -Melody Beattie Little girl lost, Almost two years ago you woke me up. You knocked on my heart and soul and you told me to open my eyes. When I did, you refused to give me details. You  spoke to the officers, you ran from the adults that were wrapped up in the nightmare you had been living. I don't blame you. Please remember, you woke me up and gave me only what I needed to get out of the prison I was living. You came back two years later to give me more. I did not seek you out. I was fighting on my own with what I had. I was going through the battle trying to keep my kids safe without any hard fact to be used. You sought me out and offered words in writing. I took this as a miracle, a sign as prayers being answered. You found me.  You put it in writing what he did to you. You expressed your pain, your anger and I