Faith

Dear Beast,

Justice isn't always served, well not in the way we can see. 

I did everything I could to get my kids away from a rapist. Every single piece of information I was given I shared, I posted, I published in a book. 

 

I took ownership a long time ago for marrying a rapist but I am not going to continue to pay for that mistake. I was shallow and blind and prayed off my weakness. He kept me locked in my own hell and tortured woman around me. 

 

I will not take the blame for his actions against women. I did not rape you. Little girl lost, he did. I did not invite you into my home, you begged for me to bring you peace. I did not even choose this fight, you came to me again two years later and asked me to do it for you. 

 

If you want to back out that is okay also. I will also have to back out. I will continue to pray that you find peace. I know you say you are happy and god knows I hope that is true but why seek me out again if you are? 

 

I will continue to do what I can to keep my children safe and I will continue to write and heal and expose the injustice of silence in this world. 

 

I hope you find your voice. I hope they all find their voices. 

Dreaming of the Beast,

It's not what you think. Something is triggered in my mind and I'm stuck surrounded by nightmares of the original beast. The one that slept in the woods behind my house. These past few nights he has escaped the woods, broke the barrier and unleashed the hell dogs. This time however I know night is coming and I'm prepared for the fight. While in my childhood home I gather my tools everything I can wear and easily run with and as the sun sets I watch. In the dreams timing is important. I stay on the edge of the beasts dwellings right up until they wake and venture out looking for prey. When the sun hits a certain spot right before complete darkness it's time to run. I'm with lots of women and children and we run in different directions, split up in teams and certain hell dogs hunt certain groups. There is a reason for the divide although I'm not aware of the reason in the dream. I'm with two others in my group. I think one is my daughter, maybe my son is with us but for sure the other one in my group is one of my teachers. This strikes me as odd because the teacher running with me listening to my direction is one of the teachers I feel I have the least positive relationship with. As we run through the streets of my childhood town we pass through doors and we make sure to close and lock them. Each time we close a door we can hear the dogs get trapped and we are definitely getting further and further away. We pass through neighbors houses, entering the front door and climbing our bedroom windows. Our hell dogs are almost too far to find us. Finally we climb out the last window and we know they can no longer find us. We come across another group that has also lost their hell dogs as we approach the others we can still hear others in woods near by running from their demons. The dream ends with us listening to the sounds of screams and barks and leaves being tortured by fear and footsteps. We are helpless and all we can do is pray for their lives.



Dear G,

 

Keep them safe. Shine the light on all those who are still lost and keep the hell dogs bound to the fire.