Look for the Miracles
Look for the miracles. Hope for the best.
But when you can't change what your going through,
let the simple, quiet, daily miracle of acceptance find you.
-Melody Beattie
Little girl lost,
Almost two years ago you woke me up. You knocked on my heart and soul and you told me to open my eyes. When I did, you refused to give me details. You spoke to the officers, you ran from the adults that were wrapped up in the nightmare you had been living. I don't blame you.
Please remember, you woke me up and gave me only what I needed to get out of the prison I was living. You came back two years later to give me more. I did not seek you out. I was fighting on my own with what I had. I was going through the battle trying to keep my kids safe without any hard fact to be used. You sought me out and offered words in writing.
I took this as a miracle, a sign as prayers being answered. You found me. You put it in writing what he did to you. You expressed your pain, your anger and I accepted it. You can fight me all you want. You can blame me all you want but it will not help you heal. I always listened to you when you were ready to talk. I opened my heart and my home to you at your convenience. Even two years later I listened when you wanted to tell me you hated me. The years you knew me I hated me also. You no longer know me and I no longer hate me.
How you proceed from here is up to you. It has always been up to you. You offered me a miracle and with that gave yourself an opportunity to heal. Nothing about who I am will be affected by whatever you choose. You, however, will always keep with you the decision you made and whether or not you heal and whether or not you help stop the cycle.
I will continue to pray for miracles that include the safety of my children and the healing of all the children who came before them. I am not hurt by my marriage. I now that is hard to believe. I am hurt that I allowed myself to marry a man who mirrored my own childhood abuse. I am hurt that I thought I had healed when really all I did was close my eyes. I am hurt by my own ego and nothing else.
When I was a child just like you, I did not choose my beast. As an adult I saw a familiar entity and pretended it was something that might save me. As an adult I chose to recreate the pain, self doubt and worthlessness. He was always who he was. I do not blame any of the women he engaged with or hurt. I certainly do not get my self worth fro who he is or the marriage I left. Finally being able to stand up to my past has made me strong and given me hope.
You and I were not his first but maybe we can be his last. I will not stop believing in the miracle that is about to happen.
But when you can't change what your going through,
let the simple, quiet, daily miracle of acceptance find you.
-Melody Beattie
Little girl lost,
Almost two years ago you woke me up. You knocked on my heart and soul and you told me to open my eyes. When I did, you refused to give me details. You spoke to the officers, you ran from the adults that were wrapped up in the nightmare you had been living. I don't blame you.
Please remember, you woke me up and gave me only what I needed to get out of the prison I was living. You came back two years later to give me more. I did not seek you out. I was fighting on my own with what I had. I was going through the battle trying to keep my kids safe without any hard fact to be used. You sought me out and offered words in writing.
I took this as a miracle, a sign as prayers being answered. You found me. You put it in writing what he did to you. You expressed your pain, your anger and I accepted it. You can fight me all you want. You can blame me all you want but it will not help you heal. I always listened to you when you were ready to talk. I opened my heart and my home to you at your convenience. Even two years later I listened when you wanted to tell me you hated me. The years you knew me I hated me also. You no longer know me and I no longer hate me.
How you proceed from here is up to you. It has always been up to you. You offered me a miracle and with that gave yourself an opportunity to heal. Nothing about who I am will be affected by whatever you choose. You, however, will always keep with you the decision you made and whether or not you heal and whether or not you help stop the cycle.
I will continue to pray for miracles that include the safety of my children and the healing of all the children who came before them. I am not hurt by my marriage. I now that is hard to believe. I am hurt that I allowed myself to marry a man who mirrored my own childhood abuse. I am hurt that I thought I had healed when really all I did was close my eyes. I am hurt by my own ego and nothing else.
When I was a child just like you, I did not choose my beast. As an adult I saw a familiar entity and pretended it was something that might save me. As an adult I chose to recreate the pain, self doubt and worthlessness. He was always who he was. I do not blame any of the women he engaged with or hurt. I certainly do not get my self worth fro who he is or the marriage I left. Finally being able to stand up to my past has made me strong and given me hope.
You and I were not his first but maybe we can be his last. I will not stop believing in the miracle that is about to happen.
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