Letters from The Beast

All I see are visions of beauty Passing me by The life I may create In a world full of hate Is a destined one My finger tips are hot The perfection still is not why do you walk by me All I see are visions of beauty Passing me by I Take the road to higher ground I taste your soul hear your sound what we have will be tomorrow why do you walk by me All I see are visions of beauty Passing me by I’m on the verge of bliss not locked in your kiss Why can’t I feel The visions of beauty The life I may create Is without a world of hate

What is this sensation The feeling I get When I lay my hand upon you Skin to skin A rush through my vein What is this sensation Why am I wet Did the heavens open With rains from the gods I lay my lips Upon you Skin to skin A pulse in the muscle What is this sensation Is the sun scorching the earth heat upon me This body I’m Made of starting to melt Organic matter Melding together Splicing the genes Creating something new What is this sensation Planting a seed

I’m sorry for making you the villain. I’m sorry I outed your flaws. I’m sorry I screamed your name in horror And wrote it on walls. I didn’t know the beast was living in me. I thought about what you had done thought I was free But after I left you That’s when it started to show The demon inside began grow In my head fantasies were dying The light of truth Crept in Eyes wouldn’t stop crying I believed I was your victim your prey I thought the only way to escape was to scream your name in vain My apologies for the smear campaign I wish I could say it was only once But this note is for everyone who's ever lost my trust I was living in the shadows, dwelling in the fear. Creating dark dance spaces Offered you a beer I lured you into my space Showed you my pain I wanted you to cut me So blood would rush my brain. I used you to help me bleed. Rele

I love how we tell each other our secrets and feel safe with our shallow side I love that the outside world only knows our deep and compassionate side. I love that in the darkness I can see your tears and you can see mine. I love that when it hurts the most Together and individually we still shine. We take adventures Enjoy the climb Eat every morsel Dance in the divine Life is full of belly laughs and stopping time Remember the night we stayed up looking beyond the milky way all of a sudden we were smaller than the Whos in Whoville I said you were my best friend And I meant it, every time But then we let go Set each other free find out who we want to be Not having to answer to anyone Not having to put on the face Takes away the insecurity Provides me the space To look in the mirror and Believe in what I see You let me go Allowed me to be free I can finally look in the mirror And I’m proud to be me I

42 This last year the school district’s theme was superheroes, a common theme used among education. However, I didn’t want to live in someone else’s imagination. I wanted to be my own superhero. Through a flow of conversations the name Lady Limitless was born. I had a graphic designer at my school design a logo for me. It was a mask in the shape of the infinity symbol but it had extra flair on the sides that looked like long winged eyelashes. So on my white board for the year were the words Lady Limitless and the number 42. 42 is the meaning of life of course. stefacam42@aol.com my very first email address. Stef, that’s my name, cam because I earned a living by filming sweet sixteens at the end of the 90’s and 42 because it is the meaning of life. At least that’s according to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Whatever 42 is, it was assigned to me. I went through my 20’s answering “why the 42” at the end of my email, I simply said “because it’s the meaning of

An ambulances drove me to the hospital My visitor a cop I called for help all sorts of questions about what happened before I dialed 911 what was going on what was the fun I told him the truth I was being seduced I told him what I had done and how you tried to kill me Your hands around my throat until it looked like the fuzzy I got to that point of darkness When the fists came barreling down I don’t know why you stopped I told him all of this I told him I came after you that you grabbed my wrists so he took me away we made a pitstop first to the domestic violence clinic room she stripped me down took pictures of my shame I was so going to jail that night 8 o’clock in the morning we pulled into fourth street jail thank God I knew someone you don’t want to be with general population Isolation 12 hours I sat Peanut butter and an orange I didn’t shake I didn’t scream I just sat there replaying the scene I called 911