MY APOLOGIES

I’m sorry

for making you the villain.

I’m sorry

I outed your flaws.

I’m sorry

I screamed your name in horror

And wrote it on walls.

I didn’t know

the beast

was living in me.

I thought about

what you had done

thought I was free

But after

I left you

That’s when

it started to show

The demon inside

began grow

In my head

fantasies were dying

The light of truth

Crept in

Eyes wouldn’t stop crying

I believed

I was your victim

your prey

I thought

the only way

to escape

was to scream

your name

in vain

My apologies

for the smear campaign

I wish I could say

it was only once

But this note

is for everyone

who's ever lost my trust

I was living

in the shadows,

dwelling

in the fear.

Creating

dark dance spaces

Offered you a beer

I lured you

into my space

Showed you

my pain

I wanted you

to cut me

So blood

would rush my brain.

I used you

to help me

bleed.

Release me

from darkness

life

I used to lead.

My apologies

to all of you

You must know who you are

the ones I called sick,

Offered me this scar.

Every time I writhed in pain

Wrote words on the page

I cursed your name

declared myself sage

I was lying then

killing my freedom

keeping resentment

Trapped in my head

I’m sorry

I spilled your secrets

To everyone

that would listen

I’m sorry

I let our lies

replace

What once existed

I’m letting it all go

The memories

the pain

I’m forgiving you

breaking the chain

forgiving me

For words

that were spilled

Across pages and stages

I’m starting to rebuild

My apologies are where

I need to start

It’s all I can offer

A piece of my heart