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Letters from The Beast

This is the battle of The Beast that lives inside of me. The Beast is the perceived realities created by years of abuse and mental illness. This is my path to recovery and the everyday battle to stay happy and peaceful in my heart. My book "The Beast" is on Audible and Amazon.

I Pray

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- December 11, 2018

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The Keys - Part One

- August 17, 2017

21 Keys is a professional workshop that my school district strongly believes in. Every teacher in our district gets this training in their second year. I am fortunate enough to be part of this district and have the opportunity for personal and professional growth. 21 Keys is put out by the Pacific Institute and written by Lou Tice. This is my interpretation of the keys and how they can help me change my life. Key One Conditioning and Perception Noise from the past shapes your perception of the present. STOP THE NOISE We behave and act not in accordance with the truth but how we believe. Our conditioning creates a sensory that blocks information out of your environment. Lou Tice calls this our scotoma. The problem with scotoma (blind spots) is we don't know where they are and when we can't perceive something we make it wrong. This is part of our conditioning. One of my blind spots is my self worth. My experiences have given me a lot of doubt and fear. I've...

MY APOLOGIES

- July 28, 2018

I’m sorry for making you the villain. I’m sorry I outed your flaws. I’m sorry I screamed your name in horror And wrote it on walls. I didn’t know the beast was living in me. I thought about what you had done thought I was free But after I left you That’s when it started to show The demon inside began grow In my head fantasies were dying The light of truth Crept in Eyes wouldn’t stop crying I believed I was your victim your prey I thought the only way to escape was to scream your name in vain My apologies for the smear campaign I wish I could say it was only once But this note is for everyone who's ever lost my trust I was living in the shadows, dwelling in the fear. Creating dark dance spaces Offered you a beer I lured you into my space Showed you my pain I wanted you to cut me So blood would rush my brain. I used you to help me bleed. Rele...

Stepping Stones

- December 08, 2017

Dear Om, I'm taking my power back. Staying distant has been the best thing for both of us. For years I have been mad at you and every time I have expressed any kind of anger you shrug and make me believe you are not to blame. How could I even compare you to him. The two of you are separate, but are you? I am was mad at you for the same reason Little Girl Lost is mad at me. Sure you weren't The Beast, you didn't directly hurt me, but you also chose blindness. I learned to close my eyes by watching you. I learned to ignore the truth the abuse by telling myself, well, it's not me doing it. Om, I hear you saying to me "let go of your anger, forgive those who have hurt you" not once have you ever said sorry. I have let go of my anger but I had to separate myself from you in order to see where you end and I begin. I will not continue the cycle. My purpose is to live...