Letters from The Beast

Dear Sunshine, The heartbreaking moments, the moment we interpret as heartbreaking will forever be part of the journey.  Life, love and death continues to bring. To say we are enlightened beyond the point of sorrow is something I don't believe exists. The pain of the selfish the pride and the ego are part of the experience. How we move on after these moments become our enlightenment.  Today was my daughters Bat Mitzvah and although I am not Jewish, I was the one who took her to temple for 11 years. I was  one who made sure she was put together that she was on time (although we were always late). I was the one who sat in the lobby for hours waiting for her because home was too far away to drive there and back. I was the one who went to services when her Jewish father was too busy doing well.... I sat with his mother to make her happy to make him happy to make everyone else happy.   And here we are the day all the efforts come together. The family is called to stage

Dear G, Step 5 was and continues to be the most powerful thing I ever did. Step five says we have to admit all the things we have done wrong. I like to call this step "admit that I am an asshole too". I know I wrote in the Step 4 post that it was a combination 4/5. The truth is the whole book The Beast and all of these letters on this blog are and always will be a step 4 and a step 5.  It wasn't until I said it out loud, that my life began to change. writing it all down in this blog and the book before, was cleansing, is cleansing but it's not a connection. It's not that primal heart energy we all share and need. Sitting down in those meetings and talking about the mistakes I made and allowing people to listen to me was the bravest thing I ever did for myself. Every week while I was attending I would shake and tremble with anxiety. I knew I was going to talk. I knew I was going to let it all out, loud. I knew I was going to be for the first time honest about w

I've worked hard to find my freedom. I read books. I went to therapy. I studied meditation, Reiki and self healing for over 20 years. During all of that breaking the habit of fear and self doubt was still there. I was comfortable in, well no I was far from comfortable, I believed suffering was a way of life. I believed it was just the way you lived. Ya know, the way life was going to be after the trauma ended, filled with PTSD, nightmares and anxiety. It is not like that. We do not have to suffer. Twice this weekend I was asked "if it ever goes away". There are still nights I have nightmares and mornings I wake up with anxiety. I can't make the memories go away. Sometimes I still jump if someone sneaks up on me. Its not as bad as it used to be. I still have a hard time being present. That survival mechanism is a hard habit to break. What is different is that none of that controls me anymore. When the demons dance in the shadows of my mind I remember to the light

Dear G, I have some things I think you should clear up with the masses. This hate crap is getting out of hand. These people actually think they are serving you by being assholes. Is it the chemicals in our food or are they just genuinely confused? I was laying in the bed the other night and like most nights I had a head full of thoughts. I started to type in my notes section about confidence. It started simple. My own little ah ha moments. I have never wanted to be perceived as arrogant or cocky. Growing up in NY, rather Long Island there is a lot of false confidence that had me spinning my head as a kid. Financial and social status was a coat of confidence most people wore and they wore it loud and proud. Another box I didn't fit into. So here I was asking myself late at night, how can I be happy without being an arrogant prick? Then I genuinely laughed at myself. Judging others in any form is not happiness, confidence or right. Hate and judgement is only one thing FEAR! I

Dear Self, How fortunate are you? What a great alignment you have in your life right now. All your educational book studies are right in line with your growth. The weekly articles provided by Winners Circle about happiness and gratitude are divine confirmations that you are on the right path. Being open to your truth and gifts are soaring you into a life full of dreams come true. About 15 years ago you read Emotional Intelligence and you gifted that book to your very first student. Here you are at a brand new crossroad and find yourself reading the second book on this new journey. There is something very poetic about this. Your journey about honesty and truth is bright and the path is being lit with every step. Everything will come as needed. You've spent time looking back and shining the light on your own darkness. It's time to shine the light on your strengths and take ownership of what you do well.  I remind people why their work is important and how