Phoenix Rising

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Happy Birthday! I can't believe I made it to 40! I can't believe I am alive! And dam for the first time ever it feels good to be alive!!

The stories and the accusations of what David had done over the years kept coming. Three women accused him of rape, bartenders, waitresses, hookers, eight years of harassment and threats and blackmail toward an entire family, steroids, cocaine, alcohol, it just kept piling on. Throughout the years of our marriage I always Knew in my gut things were off but he made me believe I was crazy and I was happy to accept that role. 

While all of this was unfolding, as I was finding out about the very real nightmare I had ignored for 12 years, another man was driving from California to Arizona. A man who would very literally save my life. 

I found out my life was a lie right after Thanksgiving. In December I decided I wasn't going to die. I wasn't going to let The Beast win. I was and I am taking back my life! Fuck this, I am going to date. I deserve to explore life beyond the crazy. I am going to take it all back. I'm going to use this amazing social media and find as many men as I can and have fun and be treated like a queen.
Well by the fourth date I was done. When I met Thomas he told me I was going to fall in love with him. He told me this the first night I met him. The night I had backup plans to celebrate my 40th birthday with my sister and our friends. 
Before we met in person we had talked through technology for about two weeks. He made me laugh and it was easy to continue our conversations throughout the night. The night we met he brought me flowers and I had coffee waiting for him when he arrived at the café. I think I listened to him for two hours straight without a break. I could feel his heart. Had I really found the man I was meant to love and not another addiction?

Everything was going to be different now. I could feel it in my heart. 

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