Reconditioning

Dear G,

You know what my problem is? I really expect to get what I give.

've actually argued that if you do good you get good. The truth is and this will is NOT poor me. The truth is I HAVE STRINGS. I'm attached to my good deeds. I don't do them because it makes me feel good. I do them because I hope they will make me feel good. My strings are attached to my expectations. If A then B therefore C. LOGIC!!!

There is no logic to the ripple. If I throw a rock into the pond there will be a ripple but I have no control over the wind, the pollution, the flutter of the wing or the fish that thought my rock was food. I have no control over any of that. I can only control whether I choose to throw the rock or stand by and watch. I'm in or I'm out, that's all I have.

If I choose to let people in, see my truth, whatever that may be, I am choosing with  no strings attached. I can not expect that you will be helped. I can not expect that I  will be helped. I can only expect to do what's right for my heart.

I'm reading this book called "Love Yourself Like Your Life Depended on It". It's a pretty simple concept, nothing we haven't heard a million times and pretty much the basis of all that is self help. But the difference in this very short but impactful book is two things he mentions.

First he talks about associating self love with the love you felt as a baby. The actual physical sensation you felt when you were held by unconditional love. For me that feeling was complete safety and joy in every way. The author of the books says when your doing your daily mantras or meditations to allow your body to feel that same feeling you did as an infant. This is making a big impact.

The second thing he talks about which is hit or miss with the general self help world, is brain function. I love the science of the brain. He talks about conditioning but this conditioning you are choosing and you are making it happen. He talks about memories and how we see them and how we can change them. This is what really hit me. There are other programs that talk about reconditioning the brain  like 21Keys and AA. I'm going to focus on reconditioning.

The only thing that is the past is the memories. Half the negative memories were recently unlocked the other half were probably embellished by an overactive brain. However ALL THEY ARE ARE MEMORIES. The Beast is a collection of memories that I manifested into substance. The Beast is going to be replaced.

Since the day my life changed, the year I turned 40 it's been as if I had just woken up, or just grew up. I look back at the memories of everything that came before and all I see is an immature adult. I was throwing a temper tantrum for 40 years. I really didn't know that I was playing "poor me". I didn't know I was helping to fill a void. 

I think a lot of people never wake up they live and die with  self loathing and feeling like a victim. I'm so glad I found my way out. I'm glad I am opening my eyes to the possibilities and releasing the fear.